some people do know how to make you miserable!

Happy Birthday?

As my present to you on this wonderful birthday, I am gonna make you hate everything you are, and put your dreams at imminent risk. I'm gonna make you hate everything that's dear to you and regret every choice you made.
On your birthday i'm gonna teach you not to care and not to appreciate, and be the person you always dreamed of ... what's one more birthday to your 5 continuous streak?

WAIT!! is it really 5 or more??! for some reason i don't remember ... but then again maybe that's a good thing for a change ...

have a wonderful birthday darling ... enjoy it like all the rest ....

Patience

Patience is seriously one of the virtues anyone can have. Over the past week i've been trying to have as much of that as possible ... and things continuously try to make me go over the line. And it's still not helping.
Some alarming things are re-occurring and i'm seriously not happy. I can even go as far as say that i haven't been on this particular edge for years... and this is seriously not good.
Once again, it takes two to TANGO and i shouldn't care about group matters on my own... let's hope i still have some more of that patience orelse i'll just blow this thing for good and byebye...




i feel like destroying something ....

when life demonstrates to you for the hundredth time that all the things you're counting on to make you feel better are not so quite successful or useful then maybe you should learn to fucking shut up and keep things to yourself

Shipped High In Transport

For the past 6 weeks now ... i've been pressured more than i have ever been in my whole life. A zillion things to do, and a thousand expectations to meet up with, and zero appreciation for it ... and no time what so ever to just do it.

A few disappointing enlightenments along the way were a bit hurtful ... all i can say is i'm dying to get out of here.

I have work on weekends that requires travelling ... i have classes on some mornings midweek .. family obligations are increasing in the evenings ... not to mention errands for my own future .... and i'm just sick of this empty cycle ... i need an outcome

yekhreb beet elly lo2mel el 3eesh bete3melo fel wa7ed sa3aat!

Painful Question

You see a small, injured living creature ... let's say a kitten ... thrown against the sidewalk and obviously dying. What would you do?
a) totally ignore it
b) put her in a safe place on the side so nothing else would run over it
c) kill it to ease its pain
d) other (please specify)

BCK

Kov is in a massive need for an achievement!

if your body matches what your eyes can do, you'll probably move right through me on my way to you

My Noona is Gettin Married!!

My sister is getting married today!

I'm super thrilled for her ... she's as beautiful as ever and deserves all the best :)

damn this house is gonna feel lonely as hell without her

رطمناها بالعربي

قال لك إيه؟

قال الواحد بعد خطوات معينة في الحياة بتبتدي الدنيا تتغير معاه

و حاجات مستفزة كدو بتبطل تحصل

دا من باب إن إحنا يعني وصلنا للي إحنا فيه و دا شيء أكيد له معنى في القاموس

إياكش بس يكون معناها إنك عيل بريالة بتدور عالجنية إللي حتجيبلك السنة الدهب بدل بتاعتك اللي وقعت

أهو أي حاجة تصبرك دلوقتي و تفهمك إن بكرة أحلى ... و أنه أكيد مش زي النهاردة

مع إن إنهاردة زي إمبارح زي قبله

و الناس و الخرة إللي فيها هو هو متغيرش ... و لا شكله ناوي يتغير

و قال على رأي مري ... بلا وكسة

updates

The past week i went on two trips around town taking pictures with a couple of college buddies. I have to say we were lucky, each trip some place that is usually locked is surprisingly open.
The pictures are ok, the exploration is even better :) It was a lot of fun, and hopefully more to come.

Ka3boora seems unhappy about it for some reason. each time i returned, the clutch had problems... mesh fahemha!

today i'm in this weird mood, i can't seem to like the pictures i liked yesterday, and i don't feel that creative to edit stuff right. I'm intolerant towards anything... at the same time i feel it's totally justified

sometimes we just need a break from other people's surprised looks/tones, criticism, and forcefulness as if i'm dumb!

ma 3aleena ...

i was having the perfect day yesterday ... going around town ... taking pictures ... and discovering new places and sneaking into others!! :D

then when it was all over, on my way back, ka3boora breaks down again!

i was pissed, went to herafeyyeen, got it fixed and fixed other things i've been meaning to fix for some time bel marra... and went back home really late at night feeling good ... after all it was a very productive and full day which doesn't happen much with me these days ...

then at the corner to my house ... ka3boora breaks down again!

yel3an keda!

Kov is officially a candidate on his way to being an army officer :S

on raining and pouring

this morning it is confirmed ... the two things/people that are completely capable of fucking up my mood DO have to do it in conjunction with each other ... and in the least sensible ways ever!

thank you mankind!

w sallemooly 3al common sense .... again!

Clacket 17 Marra

I Quit!

iROCK

I love days in which i am faced with the fact that despite me not being the best at marketing myself, i ROCK!!
i love days in which i am faced with other more experienced people's work and am left with the thought ... "i ROCK"

I'm down with a flu ... don't know if it's the normal type or the swine type though :P

oh ... and i HAVE 100 fans on my photography page after the FIRST WEEK!!!! i'm super excited!

Pleasant Embarrassment

A couple of days ago i had to go to the Engineering Syndicate (نقابة المهندسين) to register. The lady in charge of my paperwork to be done there was super friendly. Any missing thing she'd find a way around and she kept smiling at me telling me consistently that she's at my service, and even if i want to come later to submit the missing photos that would be fine, i should come in the time i please, everyone here is here to serve me ...
the usual reaction you tend to get when faced by such friendliness from governmental employees is that they want to be tipped ... so i seized the moment in which we were semi-alone next to one booth where we submit the photos for the id's and i tried to give her a 5 pound note while saying 'thank you'
she FREAKED! took a step back and told me:
أستغفر الله العظيم ... عيب يا حبيبي انت زي إبني

i can't remember feeling that embarrassed in any recent time ... or distant. But one thing for sure i was also feeling really happy ... good people still exist in this country!

Today i checked out my reader again after almost a month or more of it being abandoned ... and once it loaded i decided once again ... i'm just not up for reading..

and now quoting one of my friends in facebook:
"mates2alsh Masr eddetna eh ... 3ashan 3eeb!! koll wa7ed feena 3aref howwa 7'ad eh"

On Ignorance

"The thing i admire about the both of you is your great ability to let things go"

MY ASS!!! 2aal both 2aal :D

Big Week!

Kov Got Engaged Last Week!!!! (i'm surprised too i assure you :P)

And today, I created a facebook page for my photography :)
check it out and be a fan!!! (click HERE to view)

This week will hopefully be a major decisive force in whether or not i'm joining the army ... ed3ooly!!!

yeah it's too much intense news in one post i know

HOBBA

i love how in times of serious anticipation it would literally take a fork-lift to get my butt off whatever it's resting on! right now i'm just sitting in my place, stunned and watching the world go around me :)

pressure points

sometimes life makes me feel like i'm inside a huge hydraulic press and there's no way out

الكابوريا المقدسة

و الخرة المقدس برده

right now i'm watching a soccer game between the teams occupying the 5th and 14th place in the egyptian league and i have to say it's more entertaining than the top teams' games

Bringing My Current Fears to the Table

i decided i'll just take it back ... this should not be put here

SHIT

THERE'S TOO MANY DEMONS INSIDE ME HEAD

MAKE IT STOP!

MAKE IT STOP!

MAKE IT STOP!

MAKE IT STOP!

MAKE IT STOP!

MAKE IT STOP!

MAKE IT STOP!

MAKE IT STOP!

MAKE IT STOP!

MAKE IT STOP!

OH LORD MAKE IT STOP!

To satisfaction

There's no pleasing me is there?

I'm bored

I'm an addict

I'm an addict to all that makes me feel the rush

I'm an addict to everything i shouldn't do

and i'm suffering from serious withdrawal effects

I've been busy setting my life straight

it's very overwhelming

and it's tiring only because it's defferent

and it hits me how some people's honest suggestions that i rejected so much might actually be true

weakness, however not wrong, is not a good thing

yet another thing i need to overcome and face

i've never been accustomed to self control before

in fact i suck at it

but some things have to change

p.s. this post has NOTHING whatsoever to do with anykind of substance abuse ... just in case any of you is getting any kind of smart ideas

Despite how indifferent I am about regular football matches (thank you Zamalek for making me lose interest), this completely turns the other way around during games involving our national team. And i was just reminded today of how much that's true.

Let's just say my blood pressure was sinking to record lows today all day, and that caused continuous severe headaches. Now, and after how shitty they played today, i feel just fine. Just a little uncomfortable around the sinus...

simply etfa2a3t! 

So i still try to keep my weekly habit

In bullets to keep Sara teased :P. Here's how my week was:

• I started German for a few days then a bit busy and started going slower... hopefully i'll start catching up again soon. And Pupette it's because i got busy not because it's a shitty language :) i'm not gonna give up just yet
• I fell in love 4 times in 4 days, with the same person
• i caught up with a few old friends early in the week, felt awesome ... i miss old days sometimes
• I got another translation task i'm currently working on. Totally ignites my fears of getting old! The authors just love repeating how lonely it gets 5 times a page. Seriously i could just copy paste them to both the word doc and my BRAIN!!!!!
• the other day it was seriously hitting me when Sia's song playground started playing
  "I don't wanna grow old
  Give me all the toys you can find"
  Man that cracked me up!!! :D
• My childhood friend got MARRIED yesterday afternoon!!!!! I'm both in shock and totally happy for him. I'm also moved he chose me to take their wedding photo! i love the pics... Mo, i'm proud of you like you can never imagine! and that was the most chilled out wedding i've ever been to. 
• Yesterday reminded me i need to start going on photoshoots more often
• I'm still angry at my car and don't intend to fix it. I'll leave it suffer (and yes i'll know it'll backfire right in my face)
• I need to get back to work cause i'm behind schedule, so that's enough for your weekly update.

The Day I Started German

Today, awwel yoom ba3d 3eed el Omm, i started self-studying german bedoon mo3allem mesh 3aref ba2a fkaam yoom :P

w koll sana w ommahatko b7'eer

End of the week

This week was full of changes which is good.... umm well not all of them :)

I rode a toktok for the first time in my life!!!! it felt like it's gonna roll over like 5 times a minute. But i'm sure it's so much fun to drive. hey maybe i should try do that!

My dell officially died 2 nights ago ... and i'm still searching for a way to get a new one from the states. can't find the specs i want here, and when i do they're like a thousand pounds more expensive than there.

I went jamming last friday. finally broke my 2 year drumming-less streak

Played monopoly for the first time in years!

I like the voice of that guy from the band Hinder. But i can't seem to find any catchy song with lyrics that get to me. I need good music

I wanna start that RAGE project ... feels nice to scream in a mic :)

I think i'm starting to be totally hooked on portraiture. The last 3 shoots i enjoyed were all shooting people. and i have to say the last one was very satisfactory!!

I miss my girlfriend like hell

anything else??

I stole Sara's bullets

ok my dear friend, here's my bulleted whatever day it is today.

• For the past few days i can't seam to wake up before 1pm, even if i do wakeup in the morning i get all hypotensive and blackout till then
• I can't seam to shoot anything but people these days. The last shoot went amazingly great but i can't help but wonder why i can't get myself to do anything else. Closeup portraiture and that's it?
• I'm starting to get the hang of my flash, but then again only for portraiture purposes
• I'm really depressed and want a computer instead of my late Dell. I can't seam to find anyone willing to get it for me from the states, the specs here suck and are for much MUCH more than what i would pay if i get it from there.
• I want to work on my picture (check the previous bullet)
• I finally got my military enrollment date, April 10th. Ya Mosahhel w mad7'olsh
• I need work, (check the previous bullets for why i'm not already working)
• Ka3boora ... actually i'm not even going to talk about her.
• I'm thinking flashsite!

you know you're watching too much series channels when ...

you're watching a football match and are waiting for the advertising break to go fix some coffee

here's to common sense ... again!

funky monkey sat on the wall
funky monkey had a great fall
funky monkey was just left there
funky monkey could not but just stare
funky monkey will not apologize
if you do him some wrong and still look in his eyes
funky monkey is angry as hell
for no one could get it and no one he could tell
now all the kings horses and all the kings men
couldn't put funky monkey together again ...

311

today i discovered love could be too much to handle. It could grow into a magnitude beyond what my own mind is capable of grasping.

May the light please turn green ... PLEASE!

On Past

well i guess there's always a reason to call it the PAST right? like it's gone? or at least that's what i'd love to think.
Someone always told me what you do will always come and bite you in the ass. I tried to reject the idea but it always came back. So here's why i mostly tried to shut it off.

For the past two years i've been going downhill in my life. Yes i've achieved things, but i had to go through an amazing number of fuckups and wrong decisions in order to achieve what i've achieved or to get where i am. Simply where i am and what i've achieved was to try not be that person i've been and stop fucking up (and maybe around) the way i used to. And that's what drove me forward.

The trick in this is for it to be actually over. Cause dwelling on it or focusing on it would mean you stop building that different person and go over each and every fuck up one at a time. which can never be a good thing. Cause a fresh start means you throw all this shit away and build it clean.

As for the consequences of sharing the details of my actions or whatever it is that i did. Yes i do appreciate that maybe some people may have right to know, but i just never knew what good it would make.

The way i see it, it wouldn't be past anymore. And if that past is to come to the present then it'll probably screw up everything you're working on. So maybe it's a better idea to let it remain in the past. and that's for the better of both parties. So how is that selfish?

I admit i fucked up badly ... like worse than anyone could. But at the same time, it was because of those fuckups that i realized it was not the way things should be. And it's because of them that i realized what i really want in life. I don't want to be THIS. The way i was the past few years. And i don't think i would've had the image of the person i truly want to be had i not been different... even for a while.

I want to be good ... I want to focus on the worthy things that really matter and work for them ... And i haven't always been that way i know. I just don't want my not having been that way all my life screw up the chances for this ever happening. And that's why i kept my fuckups to myself.

Lord have mercy on me...

to desperate measures

and now ka3boora isn't working. Really why can't things just go well without me coming back in town to find shit that takes away my happiness with what i've achieved?

Posh; it's not the city, it's the shit that happens whenever i return to it

highlights of the past week

my course went fine
As usual whenever i make some cash i have to have a catastrophe take place to rid me of it. My laptop was run over by a car! And no i'm not kidding and please don't ask me for details cause the whole deal is just pissing me off!
I went for a 3 day trip to dahab and st catherine after my course in sharm with my girlfriend and one of my bestest friends and i have to say it's the best trip i've ever been on with friends. EVER!
I took them diving, we had great breakfast and coffee, we hiked, and climbed mount sinai :)
Now i'm back to the misery of Cairo

this is not envy,

it's pure self resentment.
It just sucks to be reminded of everything you want, everything you're working hard for, and how lots of people around you are just getting it sometimes without working at all.
Makes you hate life completely when it sets even the smallest extra obstacles in your course.
Again, this is not envy

HAPPY FUCKING VALENTINE!

and i still didn't get to see that movie despite everyone recommending it :(

anyways, to help every ejybshan celebrate zis marfelos effent ... here iss my contribushan

On Fox Series

I've been lately addicted to this channel Fox Series. I'm completely hooked on Nip/Tuck and Boston Legal.

But just a little question for all those addicts out there: Why the hell is it that there's no time or chance for anything in their ads???

kamaan 7'omsomeet sana ... mafesh wa2t lel nagaah ... wala forsa lmesh 3aref eh!!!

Mafeesh wa2t lel feraar.. . wala forsa lel mesh 3aref eh ... bass enta bass 3andak wa2t tetfarrag 3la mesh 3aref meen ...

all the ads say the same thing!!!!!


ooh wen makansh 3andak wa2t wala forsa, the simpsons are running three hours non stop on thursdays and fridays :D

PAUSE

Well i can't really explain it, but it affects you and you have to abide by it anyways. And no there's noone else out there that could explain it to you but me, and i just can't.


bugh!

i feel like i need to spill something out but i'm just out of words.
God give me the patience to just do things anyways hoping they'd make a difference, and make that difference be felt by me.

I'm right now hating anything that's got to do with the word COLD ...

On Brides and Weddings

It hit me while i was going through all the pictures on my hardrive. Lots of events and lots of weddings (no i'm still not planning to be a wedding photographer but a favor for a friend can be an exception). moving on, in all those pictures i noticed one common thing.
Why do brides (especially veiled ones) wear THAT much makeup? I mean i couldn't recognize them later if i see them on the streets. The other day i was watching pictures on facebook of one of my friends' engagement, i used to go to school AND college with his fiancee, yet it took me ages to figure out it was actually HER!!
Do girls have to look like fake plastic trees in their wedding? i mean i don't mind being next to a cactus on my wedding night as long as it looks natural!

On things happening

It doesn't have to happen you know ...
but sure ... just don't expect it to ...
i mean it's not like an obligation ...
of course it's not ... i'm just making other plans...
so it's not happening ...
no it is ... but just don't get bugged if they don't
this doesn't feel right ... just forget the whole thing
noooooooooooooo
ok fine
....
hello?
...
HEY!!!
huh? who?
ok if you really want this to happen now is the time
of course it is ... i'll be here on time
ok
great
...
...
...
...
hello?
...
HEY!!
huh?! who?
seriously if you don't want to you don't have to ...
just don't rush me ... i said i'll be there
fine
:)
...
...
...
...
and the hours go by
hello??
....
duh
...
...
...
...
heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
oh really?
i'm sorry
yeah that felt like reasonable
i really am
ok ... but seriously if you didn't want it from yesterday then why the heck make me believe it's gonna happen? i just knew it ...
but it didn't happen?
oh really
i said i'm sorry
so i should just forget until im reminded by its happening again
but it didn't happen
sure thing i just hope that changes one day! and just hope the faintest interest shows one day
you're acting delusional again
ok i am!
how come you're bugged??
i don't know you tell me!
how come you always get bugged??
maybe it's because too much is happening!
...
...

When's the light going to turn green??

it's been yellow for two long!

I DON"T BELIEVE YOU!!

denial

He writes,
his breathing's heavy
his eyes feel puffy
it's like he's been crying for hours
the only difference is he hasn't even shed one tear
he's been waking up with this feeling for quite some time now
he grows impatience with what he's writing
he moves back a little and takes a look at all the gibberish on his page and thinks:



"this can't be me ... "

Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel ...










... is just a freight train coming your way!



~ Metallica

More On the New License Plates

So I was joining a close friend of mine on getting his new car licensed (mabrook yaad). And we actually had to pay our way out of getting the plates being distributed that day.

After all, i don't think anyone would want to have his rear tagged with those 3 letters for life!





My Apologies to all the hafa2aat roaming the streets of Cairo :)




oh and my friend managed to finally get a ي ف أ so congratulations dude on escaping being a big wine-red hafa2 :)

My Own Summer

Hey You
Big Star
Tell Me When It's Over

Cause I'm Through
When the 2
Hits the 6
And it's summer

Come Cloud
Shove
The Sun
Aside

The Shade
Is The Tool
The Device
The Savior

See i Try
To Look Up
To The Sky
But My Eyes Burn

Come Cloud
Shove
The Sun
Aside

There's no crowds in the Streets
And No Sun
In My Own Summer

Come Cloud
Shove
The Sun
Aside



~ Deftones ~ My Own Summer

OK, my discomfort is reaching hazardous levels!

and it's still getting even more cold and distant for my liking.

and i'm sick of trying to light this bonfire on my own.

in fact i don't think i should even try anymore.

over'n'out

Freezing!

I feel like i'm back in the Ice Age again. All the cold, and distance. And i just can't stand it. I'm trying to ignore it but it just keeps making me feel like $hit!!

Am i just trying too hard? But i don't wanna try any less? then why the fuck do i have to be made to feel stupid for even considering the thought of trying?!!

And again, i don't feel like explaining myself about it because i've done that like a kazillion times before. And i'm pretty damn sure i won't be understood so i'll be back to my dark square one again.

Maybe i'm blowing this way out of proportion. JUST MAYBE!!!!!!

i hope i am

3addy ya lelia

kov is currently letting every day just pass! 3ayez a7'las men omm el fatra dy ba2a.
I gave up on job applications since noone's obviously hiring anyone with my current status of geish! so i'm spending time doing photography!
I think it's about time to announce another diving course... i need to get wet fe3lan!

yulla wish me luck!

mesh talbaaha!

• I don't feel like reading much ,... my reader unread posts count is going insane!
• I don't really feel like going down to the street today ... i know i'll eventually have to since i promised my sis i'll take her car to the mechanics (ya3ny lamma anzel anzel atshall 3and el mechanic)...
  
• i dunno maybe i don't feel like exerting any effort in anything
• i don't wanna lose my sparks cause i'm starting to feel like they're useless and unnecessary ...
• and don't u frickin dare call it depression!
  

A Question to the World?!

and it's rhetorical if you hadn't already noticed:

What is it that Saddam Hussein or Adolf Hitler were accused of doing that Israel is not currently carrying out?? Is there another difference in the situation other than the consent of the world?

sometimes it just sucks to feel some things matter to you more than to people that should share the care

Times Like These

It's in times and hard situations like today and especially in the reactions i get that i feel inclined to doubt myself.

Dear dad and everyone, I didn't do anything wrong. The fact that I was trying to be appreciative of others and that I was trying to exceed doing elly 3alayya and just following my gut feeling on what i feel is right doesn't mean i'm admitting to any error.

I'm sorry if this jungle we live in doesn't count or appreciate or even finds it hard to imagine that someone might be doing something nice towards them out of just plain generosity.

And i'm sorry but i'm really finding it difficult to do someone else's work anymore ...

Soon i'll be all mine!

Soon ...



thank you me dear blog ... u've always been my ranting place when i couldn't rant elsewhere!

On Overdoing!

A wise person once advised me something that i since couldn't do. he told me not to overdo things no matter how excited i am about them, and no matter how good it feels. For a while later it will change into something undesirable.

In Dolphin or Seal training, they give the animals little fishies as rewards for the nice tricks they do, or in short, for giving the trainer what he wants. However, the trainer is always careful not to just lovingly give too much fish or the dolphin would just get used to getting food and seize to give the guy what he wants. or in other cases, (with a better dolphin) the dolphin would just repeat the same trick over and over again cause that's what gets him fish, so the trainer and the audience seize to be amazed, and the show gets boring.



On another Issue, Sara tagged me to post a picture from the 4th folder on the 4th shelf ... eventually it turned out to be THIS!!!
Ladies and gents, i give you my brother's turtle:D

good bye 2008, welcome 2009

on contrary to most people, and despite how stressed out i seamed to be this last year. But i actually believe 2008 was a great year for me. It started like shit but overall, i think it went great in terms of fruitfulness.
Lets take this one thing at a time.
For most of 2008 i was an emotional mess. I was fresh out of a really messy relationship with the love of my life, i even started another blog to just bitch at the whole thing, did and redid some stupid things to convince myself i'm over it but eventually i wasn't. And it all came together and together we figured out a way to work things out. And we've been happy together for over 3 months now with almost none me the problems of the past... And for that, i'm thankful!

I changed my phone in 2008. Which is an epic thing! I mean this is my third phone ever can you imagine that? And i blog from it too :) (e7das)

I managed to take my photography one step further and i even got a new camera i always wanted :)

I graduated! And i got an A on my grad project! And it was only me and one more colleague taking care of everything!

I took my diving a step forward and I'm now a PADI Open Water SCUBA Instructor, and have a freelance job inwhich i combine a hobby and passion of mine :)

My sister got married!

My dad moved out of town!

and Ka3boora got a new heart!

I also happened to meet some really interesting and nice new people in 2008, I can't think of single acquaintance or friendship that i've made that year that wasn't really interesting ... so that also makes me glad.

So 2008, good bye and thank you for leaving me with no regrets


my God it was such a full year :) but i think i'm happy although i'm scared of 2009! mesh talbaaha geesh 7'ales ya masr!


anyways, my plans for 2009 would be:
-keep my relationship and hopefully take it on to a whole new level.

- avoid geesh

- have a stable job and start working on settling down (see the first point)

- do something to showcase my photography work and stop being such a pu$$y about it

- manage my time and learn to plan things right

- improve my relationship with my dad

- improve the religious aspects of my life

- become a millionaire!! (ok i think i should stop writing now :))



Happy New Year everybody

may it be full of love and appreciated accomplishments