Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Angels and Devils

So today i insisted on finding a good track ... so i searched to see if any of the bands i like released anything new... i downloaded seether's latest, Godsmack's latest (a year old now), and fuel's as well. The Godsmack album really sucked bigtime, no wonder i haven't heard of it for a year. Seether's ok but not that wow .... but the one that really rocks and that i recommend big time is Fuel's Angels and Devils ...
The best one so far is "hangin' around" which is also today's song of the day :)

enjoy y'all

Tuesday, November 27, 2007


I just love it when irony plays against something else other than me ... makes me laugh instead of become angry :)
Damn this is fucked up :D ... and if worse comes to worst, i know i also payed my shit forward ... then why am i working myself up?? guess the best option now is to stick to last week's theme... set the benchmarks and believe in them no matter what ... once certain things are doubted, you start falling apart ... and there's no reason to go there since they shouldn't be doubted in the first place :D

I'm searching for a new track that would put me in the mood ... anyone got any???

Friday, November 23, 2007

i can now say that i finally got the message i wanted :)

thanks to all those cooperated :)

i hope i never feel this again :)


What importance is the truth if noone else can believe it?
What significance is of a lie that is so freakin obvious?
What could possibly be the result of something you attempted a zillion times before in vain?
What good is your feeling something if it can't be shared?
What's the use of words if they're not understood? that's if they are heard...
What good is change if it's not in what you need to make it work?
What's the use of someone else changing if it's not going to make a difference?
What could come out of a second chance if you're constantly cornered and haunted by what spoiled the first one?
Why do people sometimes just give up too easily?
Why did I have to go blank and give the impression that i gave up?
How would the world be if nothing needed compromise? (i got the answer to this one previously)
How about just cleaning your slate? but will anyone else see that it's clean?? then what's the use?
does everything have to be based upon what people would think?
Is it true that some of those opinions do matter?
Is there such a thing as a special person whose friendship lasts?
Is there such a thing as a love that lasts?
Does love actually exist?
Can missing and instinctive need be differentiated??

is there such a thing as truth? does it matter?

I Hope I Helped You Live

Song of the Day: Creed ~ Wrong Way

Thursday, November 22, 2007


In times of deep depression you have to reach a point when u're just sick of it ... and find a way to push yourself forward... for this i had two catalysts: 1- is a couple of great friends i'll cherish for my entire life (thanks you guys)... and 2- Is a quote that was written on a poster next to my principal's office back when i was in highschool.


Tuesday, November 20, 2007

note to self

lemm nafsak shwayya badal ma7atedda2 3ala dmaa3'ak taany

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Coffee and Cigarettes (Again!)

usually such moods and outbursts or crap come and go ... they don't last ... hence the term 'Sleep on it' ... which is exactly what i did yesterday ...
why do i in particular have to be reminded in my sleep? why can't i dream about anyone else? anything else? kefaaya ba2a begadd!!!!
that other day i recommended Michelle Featherstone's "Coffee and Cigarettes" and now I am recommending it all over again. And somehow the feeling i have towards it is just totally reversed than last time. I'm not feeling mellow or calm ... this time i'm totally bitter and angry!

have a better day,

yet again the same circles

I love the irony of things i go through... the time in which you're in the most need of someone to talk to is the night you're totally and utterly ignored. it's happened too freaking much before but why the hell does it have to look so deliberate??
in some cases, it's always been like that which strikes lightning bolts in my head right now!! then why the heck did you even go there ... again??! why do you have to go there when you're completely vulnerable and fucked up to hear lots of stuff that apparently are totally not sincere and just a bunch of @#$% so as to later discover that and become totally hurt all over again??!!
why does life have to slap you on the face too many times from the same direction? and an even better question, why do you always fall for it and feel that there could be the slightest possibility of a change?? guess some people are just born fools.
some people though don't go through the trouble of saying anything .... they just ignore straight up and right in your face ... how hard is it for you to just pop a line back when you find a message, especially when your dot turns green a sec after you got it??!!

i don't know it's just too aggrevating ... and the more frustrating thing about it is how pathetic i actually feel writing about it right now... so i'll just stop

at some point i WILL die in a lonely cell in a mental institution

Saturday, November 17, 2007

same circles

today was a better day than yesterday ... lots of work ... lots of going round town ... i'm really tired ... but feel alot better ... my car's supposedly fixed yet i haven't tried it yet ... was driving my dad's all day ... my God 3 liter engines do suck so much gas!!!!
anyways ... on other levels though, it hasn't been such a good day. I hate it when i bypass my fears and give my vulnerability-phobia a chance to be overcome then totally regret it. It's like you always find little pointers attracting your attention, like alarm signals that make you go "Uh oh ... this feels familiar ..." problem is that the faint memory of the familiarity is not something you wanna go through .... leaves me wondering if i'll ever be able to get over this. will i ever be able to be normal ... if my expectations are actually feasible ... or is it not my expectations that are insane ...
thing is ... i'm sick of thinking ... i wanna feel for a change ... i feel all the time ... but want it to be good this time!

To all my group members, today i don't have one but two songs for you ... enjoy ...
Sarah McLachlan's song in quite famous so no lyrics here :P
plus the other one has been played more today :)

Enjoy and hope this relates to someone out there ...

Whatcha Gonna Do Lyrics by Sprung Monkey

Lately I've been wonderin' who I am
Because it's coming clear that there's
A world of things
That I don't quite understand
I've always tried to look straight in the eyes
I try to see the man I try to see the plan
I try to know what's on his mind
But I never thought that I'd have to stare at you
No I never thought someone so close
Could be so far from view
Well I guess it's time for me to realize
That trust is just a word
Not something I ever knew
But whatcha gonna do
Cause my dreams leave me cold and empty now
You know I tried so hard to laugh
But I just don't know how
Cause wrapped around the thought of everything
Are the hands of a theif
Who took that trust from me
But whatcha gonna do
Whatcha gonna do
About the things that happen suddenly
About all the things that I could never see
All the times that I've sat and bought the lie
All the times I've laughed and wondered why
I realized I was owned by my defenses
Never took the time never saw my chances
Always thought the people coming round
Was just another person trying to bring me down
But yeah whatcha gonna do

Friday, November 16, 2007


well today i had one of the worst days ever ... woke up sick at seven in the morning ... vomiting with nothing in my stomach :S ... couldn't sleep again before college at 10 ... a collective section that was totally useless and lasted for 5 whole hours ... and we just had to stay to the very end because of the attendance ... FUCK THIS SYSTEM
Then i'm back ... still feeling like crap physically ... i don't know what the hell it is that i'm catching ... but it's bad ... and it's totally not the time for it especially that i'm starting this job tomorrow ...
i went searching for specific books i need in the evening .. but that can't go well as well ... apart from all the traffic ... my car started overheating ..... and then the dynamo tension belt got cut ... I REALLY NEEDED THIS CRAP!!!!
and to make things work even better .. people are shouting to me on the phone on how i'm late and i should meet them although eeach and every one of them knows how busy i am and how many things i need to accomplish that night ... but no way ... and when i do meet them they act in the most provocative tene7 way ever!!!!! "3arabeety 3atlaana!!!" .... "Tab mateegy ya3ny!!!" ... wlamo2a7'za a7a.
it's like the whole universe and its inhabitants are conspiring to get on my nerves ... i need one of two things: 1- commit mass murder OR 2- a big meaningful hug

bad day mel a7'er

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

THROWN AWAY!!! (Brilliant Track!!!)

It's not because i got serious emails dissing me for my last on my music e-list ... it's because i was going insane over this track everytime it plays ... you won't find any sense in my words right now cause it's currently playin in here :)
I tend to get completely absorbed in the music playing ... the better it is ... the more absorbed i get ... and right now i don't wanna do anything but jump around and sing along with this track ... i assure you this one will be on my playlist for years!!!!

Vast ~ Thrown Away

for your copy, subscribe to my e-list ;)

and like all the tacky people do ... here are the lyrics:

Vast - Thrown Away Lyrics

There's a sun, there's a ground under my feet
There is almost nothing in between
Now I'm left like a flag atop a moon
Precious one, you have abandoned me

Oooh, so let me in
Because I'm out
I know that I am someone
No one said I was, no one said I was

Should I call you
Should I reach out?
It feels like chasing shadows in the night
Yeah let me in
Because I'm out
I know that I am someone
No one said I was, no one said I was, no one said I was

Thrown away, have I been thrown away?
Thrown away, have I been thrown away?

There's a sun, there's a ground under my feet
There is alomst nothing in between
Now I'm left like a flag atop a moon
Precious one, you have abandoned me

Oooh, so let me in
Because I'm out
I know that I am someone
No one said I was, no one said I was, no one said I was

Thrown away, have I been thrown away?
Thrown away, have I been thrown away?

Friday, November 9, 2007

I Need a Mood Booster

I reached a state where i don't really care if it's right or wrong (it's not like i'm that perfect anyways) yet the usual methods people go through like hash or alcohol won't really work for me. I'm not that fond of weed, and i hate hangovers and headaches.
I need to be excited, i need to be happy, i need to feel just great, for just one moment and hope that this moment would spread it to those few following it ...

In a state of immense longing for the Blue (again!)


Wednesday, November 7, 2007

The Deep Blue

You take a few deep breaths and let them out quickly ... then you take one very deep breath and hold it ... face down and let the fins do their job in getting you as deep as they can ... you adjust your ear and mask pressures so you're now at ease ... you check the depth guage in your hand to see that it finally marks (15 meters) ... YOU MADE IT!!!
you take a few seconds to look around you ... everything is so blue ... calm ... peaceful ... and it sure feels great!
you take another few seconds to look up ... you notice the sun shining as this white blotch, around it blue lines dance with the motion of the water surface, pulling with them the white lines of light to dance around you ... the further you go with your eyes from there, things get bluer and bluer ... till it reaches that perfect shade that fills your eyes, mind and heart with peace. Then you notice "my God this is so far away", and you feel so small in that immense water volume you're in ... so small and insignificant ... yet it's the most exhilarating feeling you've ever had.
Suddenly you start feeling this uneasiness in your chest ... you need air! ... you start swimming up ... the pain in your chest starts increasing more and more as your lungs cry for air.
You finally get there ... you feel the cold air rush into your lungs ... yet you're not that satisfied with it ... you simply felt more alive being down there!

My God i missed that feeling ... I miss the deep blue!

In the memory of one of the best moments i ever had in my whole life
Marsa Breika (Ras Mohamed) ~ Egypt
October 12th 2007 ~ 16:21

Music of the moment: Moby ~ Porcelain

Monday, November 5, 2007

Note To Self

Refrain from receiving help in big matters or issues in life ... try to just carve your way in yourself...
too much close contact with people creates misinterpretations, judgments and expectations that will make you lose more than gain.
Always do things with the best faith and intentions so that in the situation where you're inevitably judged and portrayed as the ultimate asshole, you'll still have that inner belief and faith in yourself, and every step you had taken on your way to back you up.

Song of the edgy morning: Paparoach ~ Getting Away With Murder

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Yet Another Question?!

Why does our sincere acts of care or the nice things we do have to fit in the frames set for us, and render meaningless without fitting in them, even if what we do is beyond the limits of those frames???!


Saturday, November 3, 2007

A Blast From the Past

Driving back home yesterday after one of the longest days ever, a line jumped into my head ... after lots of mental effort I finally remembered ... It's from Alanis' 'All I Really Want' !!!! LOONG TIME whew
this song holds a significant value in my heart. I can say it's the first decent track that ever attracted me. In order to understand that a bit more, you need to go a little through my musical history.
I grew up in a very typical Egyptian family, (my dad's not that typical but he wasn't there much before my Mom died, at least not that i remember). So, as any Egyptian family all the music I listened to as a kid was 3afaaf Raady, Latifa, and Hany Shaker, then there was a new star on the rise called Amr Diab :D ... Occasionally there would be some BeeGees playing in my Mom's car stereo but Disco music never attracted me back then.
One day, i was singing with my class in music class (i was 6), and my genius music teacher loved my voice (REAL GENIUS!!!). This love was manifested in my doing a solo performance in the Mothers' Day school celebration ... and in this marvelous celebration, i sang ... e7m ... Hany Shaker's "3ally el De7kaaya" ... e7m again!!! e7m
I also remember a day when a thief broke into our car and stole my Medhat Sale7 tapes in Alexandria ... man i was so angry ... there was no more 'ana 3ayez 3eesh fkawkab tany???!' and yes that's what i thought he was saying at that time ... and it made perfect sense to me back then!!
Then of course by the age of 9 came the amazing Michael Jackson period that every kewl ejybshan kid had to go through ... when you just play cool singing lyrics that don't make sense even in Zulu language, thinking maho he's screaming and getting hickups throughout the whole songs akeed that's his music ... eehe2 adooba aah turns out to be 'it ain't too much stuff' three years later (for reference check out Michael's track 'JAM'. (also thought to mean Marabba at the time).
Moving on ... there was this period, my dad's car broke down and a generous friend of his lent him his awesome Land Rover Discovery with a CD player, (ayyaam mal CD's kanet e7'teraa3) ... playing around with the buttons i played and then came this track with this woman sounding really insane, rebellious ... and for the first time maybe in my whole life, i could actually interpret the lyrics ... and i loved them ... i loved the music ... i loved everything ... eh el 7'ara elly ana basma3o tool 3omry da???!! and then came the following track ,,, and the one after ... and the one after ... i was hooked ... and i can say that now, 11 years later, this album is playing as i write this ... i'm never bored of it... "Jagged Little Pill" ~ Alanis Morissette and it's first track "All I Really Want"
and this was my intro to real music ... ofcourse i had my usual metallica periods as well, pink floyd shortly after, and now i'm where i am ... i don't care about the genre as long as there is some good music that people put effort in (more effort than a few mouse clicks on a pc) ... although i like some electronic stuff but those have to be seriously wicked!!!

So here's to you all ... and here's to music ... and here's to Alanis ... and the song of today is
Alanis Morissette ~ All I Really Want

Friday, November 2, 2007

Friday Morning

Woke up early for breakfast plans ... but it didn't work out (needn't explain why :P) but an hour later i got a call from some friends saying they're going for some breakfast ... so i thanked God my morning didn't go to waste ... it was nice ... it just feels awkward how life circumstances change, how the lives of us humans evolve and pushes us away from our friends, back and forth ... makes one wonder, will i know everyone i know ten years from now? even my closest of friends??! and i still wonder
mood wise, i feel mellow today ... and so is my song for this morning ... it's called Coffee and Cigarettes by Michelle Featherstone.
Enjoy your morning :)

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Long Day

So today i had another hectic day, i skipped college to conduct this pool training for a new diving student we have. It all went well, the guy was doing great and we finished in a record of three and a half hours. Then i had to drive all the way to Maadi and back to return the tanks.
After i got home i felt terribly weak... and dozed off immediately! woke up at two in the morning cursing my freaking bioclock just to discover the following:
I'm a freaking lazyass couch-potato that hardly ever exercises, and this week i've been working out like every other day, and did two pool trainings already ... I have to collapse!
anyways, i'm trying to figure out a way to stay awake or sleep and wake up in time for college ... orelse it will turn into the usual ... skip college and do nothing (did i mention i was such a lazyass couch-potato?).

On other grounds, i've been facing some technical difficulties on my music list, google groups didn't send any invitations to people with email domains other than gmail, and yahoogroups doesn't want to attach the songs cause they're too big, i downloaded cooledit and sized it down but again it won't attach it ... thank god is there, cause now i can upload it there and share the link.
Thanks for the first (and only so far) two who subscribed, sou and aya, you two are more than enough to get me going :)