paradox

sitting beside my darkest memory and it feels weird. A bittersweet mixture whose existance i absolutely resent.
I hate my subconscious ... I hate the fact that i can't define any feelings ... Or maybe i just deny certain types of them. I wanna be well. I'm sick of all the residues that just wont go away.
I wish i could lose these fantasies, or just quit subconsciously holding on to the wrong things. I'm saying 'subconsciously' because i know i shouldn't . I need some peace