I'm tired again ... too many inputs ... just too many ... and now it strikes me as ironic cause most my subjects are about one for of 'control' or the other ... no wonder i'm doing that bad! i liked PLC though... anyways ... mesh el adeyya
i've lost my ability to read ... i can't be patient enough to read the articles of my favorite bloggers even ... and i can't really write the way i want either (what's new in that??!) ...
i'm being called lots of things ... i think of myself as lots of things ... some of them intersect ... but i don't think they should.
there's a different between vague and lost ... it's like the same difference between truth and denial ... it's just there... and now i'm feeling really scared again...
i don't feel like clarity ... i feel like stretching on that thing they stretched Mel Gibson with at the end of Brave Heart ... i want to feel different ... fresh ... or new ... just anything different from this shitty pattern that doesn't wanna go away ...
you're not stupid ... i am ... i don't wanna lose what this means to me ... but there's always more i can't get to ... and i just can't right now ... i said it before and it still is ... i can't. where's the rewind button in this life?
a friend of mine said she saw me on May 9th and i seemed so happy she didn't wanna spoil it by even saying 'Hi' ... i want that day back ...
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