I wrote a big fat long entry here and i just clicked Ctrl+A ... Delete
I decided all i was writing was crap. I was ranting on about how i faced this and that and now i'm rebelling and not taking it and blablablabla ... then i thought... my God this looks so fucking familiar i can just shoot myself!
I keep saying i'm not gonna repeat this and i do ... i keep saying i'm not gonna make the same mistakes again and i find myself doing it ... why the hell am i so fucking weak?!
I decided it's just enough of this crap ... if you can't force yourself to do it ... then force the situation so that you're forced into doing it ... because you're compelled to.
NO MORE DOORMATS!
and yes i've written and done this a zillion times ... and yes somehow it's a never ending cycle ... ironically i'm doing it again because of another cycle ... but then again ... what the fuck! take me to the dry cleaners for this stain just doesn't wanna go away...