Monday, September 24, 2007

The Essential Crumbling

How do i start this?
well ... someone i know always tells me this country has to all burn down and be rebuilt 3ala nadaaffa. The first time i heard this it felt kind of weird, "why does it have to burn all the way down to be rebuilt? can't you just fix it the way it is without destroying it? and he would say NO. When things are so fucked up beyond a certain level, it's easier to just build a new one than fix it ... it's like crashing a car so bad it's beyond repair.
These days made me the most i can ever be convinced with this idea... but just not about my country, but about my life as a whole. For now i can say, i have reached rock bottom!
I'm jobless, i'm broke, i can't organize my time, i discovered that the person i loved the most in this world can do nothing but fuck me over, in short ... there's not an aspect of my life that's close to being good... really, i can't ever recall my being more pressured or feeling worse in my whole life.
but then again, i guess it's a chance to start over and turn the whole thing around ... act the way you should and make all you can out of it. you meen?? ana me. somehow that needs me to change half my habits and attitude ... but then again i went to a play all by myself today and had a blast ... who could've imagined that??!! as trivial as it is, it's a good start... i do believe so.
God help me ... help me be a better person and be closer to you ... as i admit this is one of the hardest things for me to maintain... and i'm sorry.

p.s. a person i had a bad fallout with once da3et 3alayya da3wa for me to get what i deserve ... is that it?? having my whole life crumble down that way??
despite my not being convinced with the particular wrong doing leading to this da3wa, i guess maybe it is ... and afterall, this would also mean that i deserve to turn it back around.
in all cases whether i'm convinced with this particular thing or not .. i'm sorry ... i sort of know now exactly what it feels like ... i sincerely am.

1 comment:

Deeeeeee said...

Well, admiting something is definitely wrong is the start to fixing stuff... and yes, what goes around comes around (like Justin and Esmee Denters say). And getting what you deserve here on earth is waaaaay better than getting it in hell, so you're kinda lucky. I really admire you're admittance that you need to be a better person and you need to move closer to God.. good luck with that and let me know if you need any help. Cheers!