So i've been working my ass off this past week ... whether or not i'm fasting ... no matter how tired i may get ... i just can't quit ... and i can't refuse anything i find to do ... no matter what it is ... no matter how shitty the pay might be (like my night job now) ... i thought i was becoming a serious workaholic ... but today i assured myself that this is not the case.
I'm avoiding having my own space ... because i don't want to be left to think!
Today i woke up, and once i returned back from prayer, i collapsed. My body is refusing engaging in any kind of activity. So i was left alone in bed ... and then this stupid brain started working.
Trying to make sense out of current situations failed, creating huge amounts of resentment .... then it turned to remembering ... how come i don't have a single good memory with you that you just didn't spoil? how come we don't even have a decent picture together?? seriously how come i can't think of a single thing without feeling like my stomach is gonna jump out of me??
i need it to stop ... because i don't wanna resent things more than i do ... and it's not really for your sake, it's for me. I'm sick of negative feelings ... and you provide me with nothing but.
It's time to rewind ... obviously this past period was a hige mistake ... i tried ... but you gave me no other choice ...
thanks for being the usual BH and making the world make sense again ...
here's to all the believers in "change"
Feeling like: I really wanna throw up (with nothing in my stomach)
Listening to: Nine Inch Nails' Ghosts instrumental collection