Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Chronicles of HE

He's going back to this state again. He's missing something, a concept maybe. A dream he was trying to catch that now looks so far away. A sense of relief he used to get from the thought of being on a certain track, a line, a light he followed through his tunnel that just started getting dimmer and dimmer, till he can't see it anymore.
He stumbles across reminders everyday, every hour, or even more. Reminders of his mistakes, good memories, bad memories, but they all had one things in common... calling them mistakes will surely be premature judgment, they're all things that just went wrong. And it's how they got that way that he's constantly trying to figure out.
Word games, music, places he drives, foods, cafes, a wonderful 30 day diary, pictures, and loads of thoughts. He wants it all back in a way, but he sure as hell knows that he can't. Even if some things are acquirable they sure as hell can't be all acquired together, and acquiring any of them in particular doesn't look like a great idea either.
He knows, but he still feels that way though. Maybe it's insanity, or maybe it's just plain human. He's constantly fighting against all reason, it all meant something to him, but to the whole world it might seam otherwise.
Maybe each and every memory was just part of his big dream. None of them had everything, none of them were completely right either. In their combination is his comfort. Maybe that's it: The things he misses in them separately are what he wants combined... now how selfish is that? or is it plain ambitious?
Another question might be: Well if you know all the variables in the equation like you portray in your head, then how come you still feel that way? how come you miss each and every single one of these memories if you know how wrong they are as a whole?
And the most logical answer remains: it's the concept, the track, the line, the light! the hope that maybe something would turn into the best thing that could ever happen to you...

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, loneliness is a bitch!

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