Games of Fate

Searched for a title to put here but none can do ... ever wondered how life would've been if you just acted a bit differently in certain situations? that's exactly the thought that's been taking over me for today. But the point here is, i'm not blaming the situations, or maybe me, i'm reaching a conclusion that it's all for the good, but then i find myself again wishing i handled it differently anywayz ... it's a vicious cycle that i know will never end.
Sometimes i wish i were and had been a stronger person, reacted the way i should in lots of shitty situations, but if i'd been there i wouldn't be where i am now, with the person i'm with now ... i probably would've been with someone else ... although i'm not quite sure how that would've come out to be but it's always something that keeps me wondering. and it's not the fault any of however many people that are involved but it's just the way fate has played its game (although i have a minor role in being the one to blame in certain incidents) ... el wa7ed bardo lazem ye3mel 7esab law 7add 3'alat ara ayy 7aaga hena :D
Some other times i wish i was better person at making decisions, that way i wouldn't have been one year behind almost all my friends in college, and would've been graduating this year, and actually mechanical was more enjoyable than where i am right now (not to mention that it was the only year i passed without flunking any subjects). But then again, i don't think if this had happened that i would've had my job or been the person i am these days, or better yet, would i have had the same future plan i have right now? i wouldn't be feeling that good about myself and wouldn't be feeling that satisfaction i feel about the whole 10 year plan that i have right now... el kalam kebeer keda leh?
it's funny all the games life plays on you, it's actually nice, when you sit like that and ponder all the things u've seen, all the irony, heartbreaks, hardships, things you loved that you couldn't care less about now, people you've lost, people who lost you, hearts you've broken, friends you made, the rarer type that actually remained till now ... it's all meant to be, and it's all good, even if it's not good at the moment, so were the things that weren't back then and turned out to be now...
and now i have a line playing in my head ... NickleBack's

"Something's gotta go wrong cause i'm feelin way too damn gooood"

and i just came up with a title too :D
night

things one comes up with when totally frustrated... i've been really doing like crap studyin ... tryin to catch up as far as i can and don't think i'm doing that well ... the problem is ... i can't seem to be that much interested since i'm already decided it's not what i wanna do for life ... in fact i think i know what i wanna do and i'm already on the first steps of the track and i think i'm doin quite well at it ... so it's like my subconscious is tellin me 'why bother'
anywayz in the middle of my frustration i came up with the greatest nick of them all

CONVERT 42874 into Hexa-decimal
u can use onlineconversion.com if u're not good at base conversions :D

Foolosophy

it's a stolen nickname i know ... but it just struck me ... all the times in my life i made a fool out of myself trying to hide something ... and in that particular act of making a fool out of me, i made it crystal clear and obvious...
rabbena mayragga3ha ayyaam
here's to Alanis Morissette's 'I Was Hoping' ... was definitely the song of that period ... talta e3daady ...
night

el estehbaal el nafsy

el estehbaal el nafsy howwa 3aada lel bashar ... wa heyya 3obaara 3an meel el ensaan le2enno ye3mel ayy 7aaga aw yesta3'ell ayy mawkeff aw zaahera tabee3eyya le'enno yesta3bat we yehrab men 7aaga howwa mesh 3ayez ye3melha ... walaw 7atta men baab el de7k 3al roo7 ...

today's manifestation of this particular issue was my not going to college in the morning ... awwalan ana ta3baan we mesh 2ader wel sho3'l fashe7'ny wel 7agaat dy kollaha ... so i miss just sitting there at home doing nothing .... and since i have a lab i have to attend then my reason for not going should be much stronger than that orelse i'll have to feel bad about myself... and then came the reply from above ... THE RAIN .... it's raining like SHIT here now... like a tropical forest or something ... and i'm driving a convertible with a roof that leaks water :$ ... so my seats are definitely going to be wet, and the hose for the windshield water is cut so i can't spray water to clean it (as if there's no rain pouring .. 3addooha dy) ... aaaah ... poor little me ...
guess i won't be able to go to college that early today ... hehehehehe
i'm pro'lly goin at 2 though

ANA BA7EBBO

not the McDonald's ad ...the real thing ...
ANA BA7EBBO


song of the day: Outlandish ~ Callin' You

Easy Riddles?

well ... sometimes i just don't get it. you get involved in the same riddle for years, or in the same labirynth (don't know if i spelt that right) for years and its master just makes it harder constantly along the way. And everytime you come up with a solution that makes sense his job totally changes to confusing you, that's if it's not the purpose since the very beginning.... if the trick is to prove that it's not easy then it's been proved years ago ... then what's the point?!
sometimes it just gets too confusing, even more than necessary... it the whole idea is to get me hooked then i've been hooked for quite a while now ... the trick is it's getting a bit tiring on this level ... and i just don't know anymore ... where am i? why am i here? is this even part of the whole thing? and as usual, THEN WHAT?! ... it just drives me to worry at times...
figure it out ...
and no ... the riddler doesn't always win ... sometimes it's his riddle that makes him lose ... that's after defining the meaning of WIN 7atta.
anywayz ... i'm off for the night, have to crash on alexandria for the day tomorrow : ... shit
nightey

I REACTED!!!!!!

For those of you who knew me since my msn space allah yer7ammo ... they probably remember my last post there about that accident in Salah Salem. That day i witnessed a guy being hit by a speading car moving so fast to the extent that his body flew so high in the air. Somehow i froze that day and didn't react, all i could do was pull over and call el nagda, but i was too afraid to get out of my car, despite all the medic first aid training i've been through and howi know that i'll probably be able to handle the situation more correctly than most egyptians, i just froze there inside my car, called el nagda, had a fight with the guy on the phone because he was being too provokatively careless about the situation and slow, and later that was explained by my therapist to be letting out my own frustration on the guy.
That was absolutely right, and it haunted me for months now, am i that passive? am i that much of a coward? am i that low? see a man dying on the street and not help? then what's the use of all this training i got? i'm even gonna be certified soon to teach first aid, isnt' this ironic? ... It just made me hate myself ... and for a very long time.
Yesterday, I FINALLY REACTED!!!! i was driving down the autostrade in Nasr City, right before the Manassa when a bus took a sudden turn to the right forcing an old peugeot 305 to brake suddenly, trying to avoid hitting the bus the guy steered to the right while braking, his car skidded round a bit till he hit the pavement and rolled over... I stopped, went out of my car, and got the people out of the car. luckily noone was hurt, for a minute there i was afraid someone might steal my car, or something might cause all this gasoline spilling out of the upside-down car to catch fire and the whole thing would explode but i actually MOVED!!!! i checked noone was hurt and people helped roll the car back on its wheels and then i left... is there anything else i could've done?? .... i really don't know ... am i taking the usual pattern of being hard on myself??
i don't know again ... but at least this time i did something... and i'm happy
god save us all from the dangers of the road ... and bless my ka3boora :D

inactive

well most people who're close to me would kill me for calling myself that ... but i actually am inactive when it comes to my personal matters and benfit. other than that, i'm a workin bumblebee (apart from the past two days cause i've been sick in bed). I'm currently doing two jobs and it's killing my me time and all other times in the world ... plus that it's adding to my usual time planning weakness, but then again none of the two employers are giving me exact times for what they want so i could organize between both, at least the more important one isn't. or am i doing that usual virgo habit of blaming everything on someone else?
Anywayz, somehow things look like they're going somewhere, i feel like my anchors are more fixed in those grounds and i'm getting more resources which isn't bad ... actually i think i'm doing well.
I'm still sick, in love, in fear, in hope, in deep shit (college), but i hope definitely not in vain... although i'm still vain :P

cheers