In times of deep depression you have to reach a point when u're just sick of it ... and find a way to push yourself forward... for this i had two catalysts: 1- is a couple of great friends i'll cherish for my entire life (thanks you guys)... and 2- Is a quote that was written on a poster next to my principal's office back when i was in highschool.
it says: A BEND IN THE ROAD IS NOT THE END OF THE ROAD ... UNLESS YOU FAIL TO TAKE THE TURN
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Coffee and Cigarettes (Again!)
usually such moods and outbursts or crap come and go ... they don't last ... hence the term 'Sleep on it' ... which is exactly what i did yesterday ...
why do i in particular have to be reminded in my sleep? why can't i dream about anyone else? anything else? kefaaya ba2a begadd!!!!
that other day i recommended Michelle Featherstone's "Coffee and Cigarettes" and now I am recommending it all over again. And somehow the feeling i have towards it is just totally reversed than last time. I'm not feeling mellow or calm ... this time i'm totally bitter and angry!
have a better day,
why do i in particular have to be reminded in my sleep? why can't i dream about anyone else? anything else? kefaaya ba2a begadd!!!!
that other day i recommended Michelle Featherstone's "Coffee and Cigarettes" and now I am recommending it all over again. And somehow the feeling i have towards it is just totally reversed than last time. I'm not feeling mellow or calm ... this time i'm totally bitter and angry!
have a better day,
yet again the same circles
I love the irony of things i go through... the time in which you're in the most need of someone to talk to is the night you're totally and utterly ignored. it's happened too freaking much before but why the hell does it have to look so deliberate??
in some cases, it's always been like that which strikes lightning bolts in my head right now!! then why the heck did you even go there ... again??! why do you have to go there when you're completely vulnerable and fucked up to hear lots of stuff that apparently are totally not sincere and just a bunch of @#$% so as to later discover that and become totally hurt all over again??!!
why does life have to slap you on the face too many times from the same direction? and an even better question, why do you always fall for it and feel that there could be the slightest possibility of a change?? guess some people are just born fools.
some people though don't go through the trouble of saying anything .... they just ignore straight up and right in your face ... how hard is it for you to just pop a line back when you find a message, especially when your dot turns green a sec after you got it??!!
i don't know it's just too aggrevating ... and the more frustrating thing about it is how pathetic i actually feel writing about it right now... so i'll just stop
at some point i WILL die in a lonely cell in a mental institution
in some cases, it's always been like that which strikes lightning bolts in my head right now!! then why the heck did you even go there ... again??! why do you have to go there when you're completely vulnerable and fucked up to hear lots of stuff that apparently are totally not sincere and just a bunch of @#$% so as to later discover that and become totally hurt all over again??!!
why does life have to slap you on the face too many times from the same direction? and an even better question, why do you always fall for it and feel that there could be the slightest possibility of a change?? guess some people are just born fools.
some people though don't go through the trouble of saying anything .... they just ignore straight up and right in your face ... how hard is it for you to just pop a line back when you find a message, especially when your dot turns green a sec after you got it??!!
i don't know it's just too aggrevating ... and the more frustrating thing about it is how pathetic i actually feel writing about it right now... so i'll just stop
at some point i WILL die in a lonely cell in a mental institution
Saturday, November 17, 2007
same circles
today was a better day than yesterday ... lots of work ... lots of going round town ... i'm really tired ... but feel alot better ... my car's supposedly fixed yet i haven't tried it yet ... was driving my dad's all day ... my God 3 liter engines do suck so much gas!!!!
anyways ... on other levels though, it hasn't been such a good day. I hate it when i bypass my fears and give my vulnerability-phobia a chance to be overcome then totally regret it. It's like you always find little pointers attracting your attention, like alarm signals that make you go "Uh oh ... this feels familiar ..." problem is that the faint memory of the familiarity is not something you wanna go through .... leaves me wondering if i'll ever be able to get over this. will i ever be able to be normal ... if my expectations are actually feasible ... or is it not my expectations that are insane ...
thing is ... i'm sick of thinking ... i wanna feel for a change ... i feel all the time ... but want it to be good this time!
To all my group members, today i don't have one but two songs for you ... enjoy ...
Sarah McLachlan's song in quite famous so no lyrics here :P
plus the other one has been played more today :)
Enjoy and hope this relates to someone out there ...
anyways ... on other levels though, it hasn't been such a good day. I hate it when i bypass my fears and give my vulnerability-phobia a chance to be overcome then totally regret it. It's like you always find little pointers attracting your attention, like alarm signals that make you go "Uh oh ... this feels familiar ..." problem is that the faint memory of the familiarity is not something you wanna go through .... leaves me wondering if i'll ever be able to get over this. will i ever be able to be normal ... if my expectations are actually feasible ... or is it not my expectations that are insane ...
thing is ... i'm sick of thinking ... i wanna feel for a change ... i feel all the time ... but want it to be good this time!
To all my group members, today i don't have one but two songs for you ... enjoy ...
Sarah McLachlan's song in quite famous so no lyrics here :P
plus the other one has been played more today :)
Enjoy and hope this relates to someone out there ...
Whatcha Gonna Do Lyrics by Sprung Monkey
Lately I've been wonderin' who I am
Because it's coming clear that there's
A world of things
That I don't quite understand
I've always tried to look straight in the eyes
I try to see the man I try to see the plan
I try to know what's on his mind
But I never thought that I'd have to stare at you
No I never thought someone so close
Could be so far from view
Well I guess it's time for me to realize
That trust is just a word
Not something I ever knew
But whatcha gonna do
Cause my dreams leave me cold and empty now
You know I tried so hard to laugh
But I just don't know how
Cause wrapped around the thought of everything
Are the hands of a theif
Who took that trust from me
But whatcha gonna do
Whatcha gonna do
About the things that happen suddenly
About all the things that I could never see
All the times that I've sat and bought the lie
All the times I've laughed and wondered why
I realized I was owned by my defenses
Never took the time never saw my chances
Always thought the people coming round
Was just another person trying to bring me down
But yeah whatcha gonna do
Because it's coming clear that there's
A world of things
That I don't quite understand
I've always tried to look straight in the eyes
I try to see the man I try to see the plan
I try to know what's on his mind
But I never thought that I'd have to stare at you
No I never thought someone so close
Could be so far from view
Well I guess it's time for me to realize
That trust is just a word
Not something I ever knew
But whatcha gonna do
Cause my dreams leave me cold and empty now
You know I tried so hard to laugh
But I just don't know how
Cause wrapped around the thought of everything
Are the hands of a theif
Who took that trust from me
But whatcha gonna do
Whatcha gonna do
About the things that happen suddenly
About all the things that I could never see
All the times that I've sat and bought the lie
All the times I've laughed and wondered why
I realized I was owned by my defenses
Never took the time never saw my chances
Always thought the people coming round
Was just another person trying to bring me down
But yeah whatcha gonna do
Friday, November 16, 2007
BAD DAY
well today i had one of the worst days ever ... woke up sick at seven in the morning ... vomiting with nothing in my stomach :S ... couldn't sleep again before college at 10 ... a collective section that was totally useless and lasted for 5 whole hours ... and we just had to stay to the very end because of the attendance ... FUCK THIS SYSTEM
Then i'm back ... still feeling like crap physically ... i don't know what the hell it is that i'm catching ... but it's bad ... and it's totally not the time for it especially that i'm starting this job tomorrow ...
i went searching for specific books i need in the evening .. but that can't go well as well ... apart from all the traffic ... my car started overheating ..... and then the dynamo tension belt got cut ... I REALLY NEEDED THIS CRAP!!!!
and to make things work even better .. people are shouting to me on the phone on how i'm late and i should meet them although eeach and every one of them knows how busy i am and how many things i need to accomplish that night ... but no way ... and when i do meet them they act in the most provocative tene7 way ever!!!!! "3arabeety 3atlaana!!!" .... "Tab mateegy ya3ny!!!" ... wlamo2a7'za a7a.
it's like the whole universe and its inhabitants are conspiring to get on my nerves ... i need one of two things: 1- commit mass murder OR 2- a big meaningful hug
bad day mel a7'er
salaam
Then i'm back ... still feeling like crap physically ... i don't know what the hell it is that i'm catching ... but it's bad ... and it's totally not the time for it especially that i'm starting this job tomorrow ...
i went searching for specific books i need in the evening .. but that can't go well as well ... apart from all the traffic ... my car started overheating ..... and then the dynamo tension belt got cut ... I REALLY NEEDED THIS CRAP!!!!
and to make things work even better .. people are shouting to me on the phone on how i'm late and i should meet them although eeach and every one of them knows how busy i am and how many things i need to accomplish that night ... but no way ... and when i do meet them they act in the most provocative tene7 way ever!!!!! "3arabeety 3atlaana!!!" .... "Tab mateegy ya3ny!!!" ... wlamo2a7'za a7a.
it's like the whole universe and its inhabitants are conspiring to get on my nerves ... i need one of two things: 1- commit mass murder OR 2- a big meaningful hug
bad day mel a7'er
salaam
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
THROWN AWAY!!! (Brilliant Track!!!)
It's not because i got serious emails dissing me for my last on my music e-list ... it's because i was going insane over this track everytime it plays ... you won't find any sense in my words right now cause it's currently playin in here :)
I tend to get completely absorbed in the music playing ... the better it is ... the more absorbed i get ... and right now i don't wanna do anything but jump around and sing along with this track ... i assure you this one will be on my playlist for years!!!!
Vast ~ Thrown Away
for your copy, subscribe to my e-list ;)
and like all the tacky people do ... here are the lyrics:
There's a sun, there's a ground under my feet
There is almost nothing in between
Now I'm left like a flag atop a moon
Precious one, you have abandoned me
Oooh, so let me in
Because I'm out
I know that I am someone
No one said I was, no one said I was
Should I call you
Should I reach out?
It feels like chasing shadows in the night
Yeah let me in
Because I'm out
I know that I am someone
No one said I was, no one said I was, no one said I was
Thrown away, have I been thrown away?
Thrown away, have I been thrown away?
There's a sun, there's a ground under my feet
There is alomst nothing in between
Now I'm left like a flag atop a moon
Precious one, you have abandoned me
Oooh, so let me in
Because I'm out
I know that I am someone
No one said I was, no one said I was, no one said I was
Thrown away, have I been thrown away?
Thrown away, have I been thrown away?
I tend to get completely absorbed in the music playing ... the better it is ... the more absorbed i get ... and right now i don't wanna do anything but jump around and sing along with this track ... i assure you this one will be on my playlist for years!!!!
Vast ~ Thrown Away
for your copy, subscribe to my e-list ;)
and like all the tacky people do ... here are the lyrics:
Vast - Thrown Away Lyrics
There's a sun, there's a ground under my feet
There is almost nothing in between
Now I'm left like a flag atop a moon
Precious one, you have abandoned me
Oooh, so let me in
Because I'm out
I know that I am someone
No one said I was, no one said I was
Should I call you
Should I reach out?
It feels like chasing shadows in the night
Yeah let me in
Because I'm out
I know that I am someone
No one said I was, no one said I was, no one said I was
Thrown away, have I been thrown away?
Thrown away, have I been thrown away?
There's a sun, there's a ground under my feet
There is alomst nothing in between
Now I'm left like a flag atop a moon
Precious one, you have abandoned me
Oooh, so let me in
Because I'm out
I know that I am someone
No one said I was, no one said I was, no one said I was
Thrown away, have I been thrown away?
Thrown away, have I been thrown away?
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