I'm an addict

I'm an addict to all that makes me feel the rush

I'm an addict to everything i shouldn't do

and i'm suffering from serious withdrawal effects

I've been busy setting my life straight

it's very overwhelming

and it's tiring only because it's defferent

and it hits me how some people's honest suggestions that i rejected so much might actually be true

weakness, however not wrong, is not a good thing

yet another thing i need to overcome and face

i've never been accustomed to self control before

in fact i suck at it

but some things have to change

p.s. this post has NOTHING whatsoever to do with anykind of substance abuse ... just in case any of you is getting any kind of smart ideas

Despite how indifferent I am about regular football matches (thank you Zamalek for making me lose interest), this completely turns the other way around during games involving our national team. And i was just reminded today of how much that's true.

Let's just say my blood pressure was sinking to record lows today all day, and that caused continuous severe headaches. Now, and after how shitty they played today, i feel just fine. Just a little uncomfortable around the sinus...

simply etfa2a3t! 

So i still try to keep my weekly habit

In bullets to keep Sara teased :P. Here's how my week was:

• I started German for a few days then a bit busy and started going slower... hopefully i'll start catching up again soon. And Pupette it's because i got busy not because it's a shitty language :) i'm not gonna give up just yet
• I fell in love 4 times in 4 days, with the same person
• i caught up with a few old friends early in the week, felt awesome ... i miss old days sometimes
• I got another translation task i'm currently working on. Totally ignites my fears of getting old! The authors just love repeating how lonely it gets 5 times a page. Seriously i could just copy paste them to both the word doc and my BRAIN!!!!!
• the other day it was seriously hitting me when Sia's song playground started playing
  "I don't wanna grow old
  Give me all the toys you can find"
  Man that cracked me up!!! :D
• My childhood friend got MARRIED yesterday afternoon!!!!! I'm both in shock and totally happy for him. I'm also moved he chose me to take their wedding photo! i love the pics... Mo, i'm proud of you like you can never imagine! and that was the most chilled out wedding i've ever been to. 
• Yesterday reminded me i need to start going on photoshoots more often
• I'm still angry at my car and don't intend to fix it. I'll leave it suffer (and yes i'll know it'll backfire right in my face)
• I need to get back to work cause i'm behind schedule, so that's enough for your weekly update.

The Day I Started German

Today, awwel yoom ba3d 3eed el Omm, i started self-studying german bedoon mo3allem mesh 3aref ba2a fkaam yoom :P

w koll sana w ommahatko b7'eer

End of the week

This week was full of changes which is good.... umm well not all of them :)

I rode a toktok for the first time in my life!!!! it felt like it's gonna roll over like 5 times a minute. But i'm sure it's so much fun to drive. hey maybe i should try do that!

My dell officially died 2 nights ago ... and i'm still searching for a way to get a new one from the states. can't find the specs i want here, and when i do they're like a thousand pounds more expensive than there.

I went jamming last friday. finally broke my 2 year drumming-less streak

Played monopoly for the first time in years!

I like the voice of that guy from the band Hinder. But i can't seem to find any catchy song with lyrics that get to me. I need good music

I wanna start that RAGE project ... feels nice to scream in a mic :)

I think i'm starting to be totally hooked on portraiture. The last 3 shoots i enjoyed were all shooting people. and i have to say the last one was very satisfactory!!

I miss my girlfriend like hell

anything else??

I stole Sara's bullets

ok my dear friend, here's my bulleted whatever day it is today.

• For the past few days i can't seam to wake up before 1pm, even if i do wakeup in the morning i get all hypotensive and blackout till then
• I can't seam to shoot anything but people these days. The last shoot went amazingly great but i can't help but wonder why i can't get myself to do anything else. Closeup portraiture and that's it?
• I'm starting to get the hang of my flash, but then again only for portraiture purposes
• I'm really depressed and want a computer instead of my late Dell. I can't seam to find anyone willing to get it for me from the states, the specs here suck and are for much MUCH more than what i would pay if i get it from there.
• I want to work on my picture (check the previous bullet)
• I finally got my military enrollment date, April 10th. Ya Mosahhel w mad7'olsh
• I need work, (check the previous bullets for why i'm not already working)
• Ka3boora ... actually i'm not even going to talk about her.
• I'm thinking flashsite!

you know you're watching too much series channels when ...

you're watching a football match and are waiting for the advertising break to go fix some coffee

here's to common sense ... again!

funky monkey sat on the wall
funky monkey had a great fall
funky monkey was just left there
funky monkey could not but just stare
funky monkey will not apologize
if you do him some wrong and still look in his eyes
funky monkey is angry as hell
for no one could get it and no one he could tell
now all the kings horses and all the kings men
couldn't put funky monkey together again ...

311

today i discovered love could be too much to handle. It could grow into a magnitude beyond what my own mind is capable of grasping.

May the light please turn green ... PLEASE!

On Past

well i guess there's always a reason to call it the PAST right? like it's gone? or at least that's what i'd love to think.
Someone always told me what you do will always come and bite you in the ass. I tried to reject the idea but it always came back. So here's why i mostly tried to shut it off.

For the past two years i've been going downhill in my life. Yes i've achieved things, but i had to go through an amazing number of fuckups and wrong decisions in order to achieve what i've achieved or to get where i am. Simply where i am and what i've achieved was to try not be that person i've been and stop fucking up (and maybe around) the way i used to. And that's what drove me forward.

The trick in this is for it to be actually over. Cause dwelling on it or focusing on it would mean you stop building that different person and go over each and every fuck up one at a time. which can never be a good thing. Cause a fresh start means you throw all this shit away and build it clean.

As for the consequences of sharing the details of my actions or whatever it is that i did. Yes i do appreciate that maybe some people may have right to know, but i just never knew what good it would make.

The way i see it, it wouldn't be past anymore. And if that past is to come to the present then it'll probably screw up everything you're working on. So maybe it's a better idea to let it remain in the past. and that's for the better of both parties. So how is that selfish?

I admit i fucked up badly ... like worse than anyone could. But at the same time, it was because of those fuckups that i realized it was not the way things should be. And it's because of them that i realized what i really want in life. I don't want to be THIS. The way i was the past few years. And i don't think i would've had the image of the person i truly want to be had i not been different... even for a while.

I want to be good ... I want to focus on the worthy things that really matter and work for them ... And i haven't always been that way i know. I just don't want my not having been that way all my life screw up the chances for this ever happening. And that's why i kept my fuckups to myself.

Lord have mercy on me...