well ... i just stumbled over something by coincidence a few minutes ago that made me go too nostalgic (again?!) ... but well, a minute later that nostalgia was accompanied and actually overwhelmed by total wonder and curiosity. Why do all things that you might want just happen at the totally wrong time? such a time in which you can never notice them or appreciate them in. Sometimes you're hasty, sometimes it's others that are guilty of this haste but then again ... it's just wrong timing, and in my case, i've been always carries the blame for both hastes, mine and other people's.
In this particular piece of memory, it was something initiated by someone else's haste, and ended by mine ... and i'm now blamed for both ... the point is, i don't care about any of that anymore (because i shouldn't judging by the way things are) but i'm saddened by two thing. One: the hasty initiator refusing to carry any blame for it, Two: the uncertainty of mine that never leaves me. This uncertainty was the thing that made me abandon this project ...
was i going with the flow? i'd hate it if that were true ... but why did it have to all go that way? what if it went differently? what if it happened a bit later? what if i was more certain? what if the door wasn't shut that fast and that abruptly? what does it mean that i just ignored the whole thing all of a sudden? why do i think about it that often? why is it that whenever i decide to go somewhere i have to hesitate and go back so as to just hesitate and return to the first place again and so on and on and on? Will i ever stop?? was it me in the first place? why am i not comfortable in any of the places there are? what if i was still there right now? why is it that i just can't stop asking these questions and wonder? get it?
i myself still don't
AARGH i just wish i had a time controller ...
one last question: why is trial and error only applicable in maths? why isn't it that applicable with life or living beings? don't u think it would've been nice?
anyways, i'm feeling like crap now.
Current music: Nine Inch Nails ~ Only
p.s. thanks Dalia for this song i owe you bigtime