NOISE!!!

Lately it's all i feel ... all i sense in all sorts of ways ... just huge packs of noise ... in my head and all that's around me ... it's all in the noise ...
noise is outside my room with that kido banging his ball to the walls ... that maid slamming every door in the house open and shut ... that other banging the silverware around the kitchen ...
the wind outside ... and the whirlpool inside ...
some of it is a withdrawal effect ... something you can't live with and having trouble living without ... something you love seeing yet it's all just a painful heartache ... something you want to be over yet you can't stop feeling for ... something you don't want for you yet it kills you to see it with someone else ... yet when you have it you can't help but fall in its attempts to make you hate it ... creating yet another noise ... this time in your heart.
another's one you sit and ponder about your own self ... still as it is ... still the same flaw that's haunting you from within ... still doing nothing about it ... yet you don't wanna be too hard on yourself. ... but then again where did you go by being easy ...
you seek help ... some assistance ... maybe something to make you feel some affection ... yet you always go in the wrong directions looking for it ... and you get all the blows you can get along the way, and somehow ... you wake the same way ... just a fortnight later ... one fucking fortnight you moron ...
you're in total denial ... knowing it all and just denying it to yourself and the world around you ... you subconciously even avoid the people who point it out to you ... you can't even write your own thoughts without making them as vague as possible .... for pure fear of seeing it all jotted out and spread all over the screen, and right into your face ...
you're stupid ... and you know it ... she hurts you with everything that she does, yet you never stopped longing for her ... you preech and you do the total opposite, and you hate all two-faced creatures ... you hate everything that you are doing, yet you never stop doing it ... and no wonder this is all you can hear and feel ...
some pure noise!