FUCK THAT

Well I am warning this is going to be totally meaningless and gloomy ... I FEEL Like crap again...
This summer's been the shittiest ever ... people are developing that fakeness and stupidity syndrome somehow and it's just going worse...
they pretend to help you by passing out jobs and all that and if u look into them they're all beyond the deadlines ... all is just working to preserve that whole fake image they want of themselves in other people's eyes ... FUCK THAT!!!!
i can't stand the pressure of everything ... people ... money ... the future ... me ... why can't anything just switch off ... and the simplest most hurtful thing is that it would all be ok if anyone was actually sincere and serious instead of giving you that smile and affirmation and disappearing right after they fuck you over ... and once again i say ... FUCK THAT!!!
just give it up people, we all feel we're different. we all feel that we can't be like all those other people out there, but in the end, we all turn into those all typical Egyptian bums who usually turn into complete assholes in adult stages in their lives ... right now ... i can say it ... i am one... and i'm starting to be OK with it... FUCK IT ALL!!! and maybe you too

Wheels keep on Spinning round

Well ... i'm writing here so it's not good right? at least most pro'lly it ain't
my summer is still the worst ever outcome-wise. I'm flat broke, my car needs repair, I'm single, again, and now the person I'm apparently having the most fun being around is leaving the country for a year... hayel ...
My battles with myself are still going on and apparently i'm still losing. So i'm not really that successful at saying NO. I miss my ex everyday but i just can't deal that much without finding myself drawn into her all over again and it just won't work out ... i'll be making the same mistakes all over again. You're going to say that's a "NO" but then again i had failed for a few days and restarted it yesterday ...
The thing that's making my time more enjoyable is actually cake. Those guys' music is really lifting my spirit, which reminds me ... i need to go give drums another shot by the end of the week ...

Did i Mention that i SHAVED??!!!
after two years of abandoning the scissors i finally cut my hair ... so now i went from ponytail guy to the same old kido ... yalla mesh eshkaal :)

Happy birthday to my sis and dad ... and Noura, i'm gonna miss you like hell ... take care of you over there dear!

NO?

I've been thinking lately, mainly about my life and how i'm getting by... about my problems (mainly with my own self) ... and it hit me, as always, that my greatest of problems is that i can't restrain myself or force myself into sticking to something... I just suck at being that person who would just do the right thing despite all the pressure ... i admit it now and forever ... i usually take the easy way out of things...
This led me to another imagination ... how would life be if you don't have to go any difficulties between you and yourself to force yourself into something you should do yet you don't want to? how would life be if you don't feel that urge to get back to whatever wrong thing it is that you're supposed to be quitting?? imagine if an addict could quit just like that, if you decide your long lasting relationship is not working out and you have to end it and you can just do that without feeling the urge to get back cause you still love the person ... just imagine if it were just so easy to tell yourself "NO!"
how would life be?

i'm confused ... i'm taking the turn ... i'm confident ... i'm afraid ... i'm broken ... and this is getting very difficult ...

i need a big hug

Prayer Thoughts

I was sitting in the Friday prayer today and at the end of the preach, something caught my attention.
"Allahoma Erfa3 Maktaka w 3'adabaka 3anna" ... it's a very nice doaa' but why is God to accept it without us proving ourselves worthy of it? why would God not be angry at a nation that's disrespecting him in most of what they do?
"Wala tosallet 3alayna bezonoobena man la ya7'aafoka wala yar7amona" ... aren't we already there?? shouldn't be like "er7amna men allathy sallattaho 3alayna bezonoobena"??

i dunno this thought has been just after me since then

Another Blah

i think there was a movie called 'a series of unfortunate events' at some point in life... that title totally suits my summer so far ... the worst summer ever maybe???
i lost every job opportunity i had so far, i can't function in the task at hand now either... i just have to get myself out of the mindset that it's for my dad and it'll work fine i guess ...
someone managed to break me for the zillionth time ... and still i never learn ... so i'm feeling like crap on both emotional and professional levels

To be honest, it hasn't all been bad. I just came back from a really nice diving trip to the south of the Red Sea, and i never imagined we would go that South :D ... i sneaked a peak into the GPS and found myself in Sudanese waters ... the diving was cool and i chilled bigtime .. all i did was sleep ... dive ... and sleep ... and eat :D couldn't get any better... can i live like this for good?

i need to get busy in something cause i certainly can't just sit there in this void without finding myself forced to think ... why can't it all just fade away ... cause i certainly gave up on the thing i've been doing for years... it's just not working any more :( ... i've got ADD again :D (thank you monmon)

did i mention i have a pony tail and a yellow bathing suit?? :D

song of the moment: Littlest things ~ Lily Allen

Where I've Been :)

I've been contemplating the map of Egypt calculating where i've been then it hit me ... why don't i shade them?? somehow i just feel that it's not a lot that i've seen ... i need to see more of this beautiful country... next stop ... i don't know but let it be somewhere new