NO?

I've been thinking lately, mainly about my life and how i'm getting by... about my problems (mainly with my own self) ... and it hit me, as always, that my greatest of problems is that i can't restrain myself or force myself into sticking to something... I just suck at being that person who would just do the right thing despite all the pressure ... i admit it now and forever ... i usually take the easy way out of things...
This led me to another imagination ... how would life be if you don't have to go any difficulties between you and yourself to force yourself into something you should do yet you don't want to? how would life be if you don't feel that urge to get back to whatever wrong thing it is that you're supposed to be quitting?? imagine if an addict could quit just like that, if you decide your long lasting relationship is not working out and you have to end it and you can just do that without feeling the urge to get back cause you still love the person ... just imagine if it were just so easy to tell yourself "NO!"
how would life be?

i'm confused ... i'm taking the turn ... i'm confident ... i'm afraid ... i'm broken ... and this is getting very difficult ...

i need a big hug

Prayer Thoughts

I was sitting in the Friday prayer today and at the end of the preach, something caught my attention.
"Allahoma Erfa3 Maktaka w 3'adabaka 3anna" ... it's a very nice doaa' but why is God to accept it without us proving ourselves worthy of it? why would God not be angry at a nation that's disrespecting him in most of what they do?
"Wala tosallet 3alayna bezonoobena man la ya7'aafoka wala yar7amona" ... aren't we already there?? shouldn't be like "er7amna men allathy sallattaho 3alayna bezonoobena"??

i dunno this thought has been just after me since then

Another Blah

i think there was a movie called 'a series of unfortunate events' at some point in life... that title totally suits my summer so far ... the worst summer ever maybe???
i lost every job opportunity i had so far, i can't function in the task at hand now either... i just have to get myself out of the mindset that it's for my dad and it'll work fine i guess ...
someone managed to break me for the zillionth time ... and still i never learn ... so i'm feeling like crap on both emotional and professional levels

To be honest, it hasn't all been bad. I just came back from a really nice diving trip to the south of the Red Sea, and i never imagined we would go that South :D ... i sneaked a peak into the GPS and found myself in Sudanese waters ... the diving was cool and i chilled bigtime .. all i did was sleep ... dive ... and sleep ... and eat :D couldn't get any better... can i live like this for good?

i need to get busy in something cause i certainly can't just sit there in this void without finding myself forced to think ... why can't it all just fade away ... cause i certainly gave up on the thing i've been doing for years... it's just not working any more :( ... i've got ADD again :D (thank you monmon)

did i mention i have a pony tail and a yellow bathing suit?? :D

song of the moment: Littlest things ~ Lily Allen

Where I've Been :)

I've been contemplating the map of Egypt calculating where i've been then it hit me ... why don't i shade them?? somehow i just feel that it's not a lot that i've seen ... i need to see more of this beautiful country... next stop ... i don't know but let it be somewhere new

LOL

sne3t el masal da fel nick beta3 7add 3al list beta3et el msn we mesh 2ader amsek nafsy mel de7k men sa3et-ha

3ABBAR EL 3EFESH ... YETNEFESH!!!!!!


LOOOL

could it be?

could it be that i'm just needing this and you are the shortest pathway leading to it so that's why i'm holding on? could it be that i'm just subconsciously following my desires? Could that be why i'm being forceful? am i forceful? could it be that it would never be fulfilled with you? could i do it without you? could it be that i've become an addict to a certain sensation? could it be that i'm addicted to you? could it be that you're not the one? could it be anyone? could i just be free from all this? could i live without thinking about this once at least every hour? could we be just friends? could we live happily ever after? could we do that together? could it be useless?
COULD IT BE THAT I'M GOING INSANE???!!!